Everyone tells me I am doing a really good job of
Holding it together
Mothering my children
Moving on
If you/they only knew. If they only knew how I sometimes feel as if the children don't (and never will) respect me and how it should have been me and not him because he always had it together.
If they only knew how many times I want to grab my car keys and drive away...possibly slamming into a brick wall somewhere along the way.
If they only knew that I cry every night, when they go to bed, ever day after I drop my son off at school.
If they only knew how much I realize that I really can't do this on my own, that I'm making a mess of it, and that it really is too much.
I need him. And the day to day isn't getting any better.
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5 comments:
My heart aches for you. I can't imagine how difficult your situation is. My father died when I was young. I think it was a little easier for my mom because she was remarried at the time, but you have an excellent chance to be a wonderful mother and to keep your husband's memory alive. But you have to make sure you're okay first. Hang in there. It will take a long time for you to heal. And you don't have to be perfect. Because no mother is. And you have it tougher than other mothers.
If there was something I could write that would make you feel better, I would. Instead- I am thinking of you and wondering how you are this strong and where you found your strength...
I admire you for continuing to put one foot in front of the other, even if it's only for your children's sake. I'm afraid I would lay down and die, if I were in your situation, despite the children. If nothing else, you are an admirable, strong mother for continuing to do your best for them, despite the agony that is your daily life.
I also admire your strength, although I'm sure you don't feel strong. Keep going and remember - you don't have to be the perfect mom - no one is - but, your kids need you.
Like the others, I ache for you. I can't even imagine what it is like for you. Hang in there...we're all here for you...
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